You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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