Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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