cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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