no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
