So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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