What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
