I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
