Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i dont even know how to be here
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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