It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize