I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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