i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
