I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
