you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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