I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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