just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
