hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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