did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
