Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize