drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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