I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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