i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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