Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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