I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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