I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
