You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize