this beer tastes like vomit already
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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