Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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