i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
