I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
