I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
