since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
