Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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