so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
