They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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