marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
