I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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