I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
