i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
