my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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