I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
