I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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