Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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