whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
