You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
