Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
