I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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