Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
