Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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