Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
