I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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