Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
