he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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