i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
