I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
