Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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