Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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