hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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