Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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