I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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