Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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