The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
