bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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