Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Two words: blizzard sex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
