Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
