Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
