Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
