so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
