I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
