Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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