She announced her abortion via fbk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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