i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
