I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
