you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
