My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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