What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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