Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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