That's intense
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
