Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize