I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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