Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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