if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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