turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
soo... how was my night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
